Bleh
As most of you know by now, my good friend Brittany died.

I've been going through a lot of emotional, MOPEY things lately. This is terrible news.

I don't know how I feel about anything. I hurt, I miss, I want many things.

She had an inoperable brain tumor. I'm sure I talked about it and her before in this journal.

Thank you, Rebecca, for being the first one there to offer comfort. Thank you, Trish and Adam who have been there for me and have talked to me at my absolute worst. And thank you to everyone who has offered me comfort and a friendly ear and shoulder.

I really appreciate it.

I know I've been drawn into myself for a very long time it seems like. I've been chasing dreams in my own personal hell for the past 4 years and haven't been happy with anything.

I hate that that bastard called me mopey, but I have been for quite some time now. This isn't the Andrea I used to know. I lost myself.

Brittany wasn't some acquaintance, she was my actual friend, a close friend. She wasn't someone I knew once.

There's nothing I can do. I hate the helpless feeling.

My grandmother's death taught me to appreciate family and life more. Brittany's death has inspired me to stop wasting my life. She was only 23, just a year older than me.

I'm tired of a life chasing dreams and people who aren't there. I'm tired of constantly battling depression. I'm tired of not having happiness in my life. In fact, I'm infuriated with it, infuriated with myself.

I guess the only way you can honor someone who has passed is to live life to the fullest, etc etc. It sounds like a plan, man.

I'm still in grieving mode right now, though. I don't know how I feel. I feel powerless.

I wish there was more anyone could've done for her. When I last saw her in June, she was in high spirits and had already accepted inevitable death with an open and loving heart. Who else could honestly say they could have that attitude when it really came down to it?