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(no subject) [Apr. 23rd, 2009|03:51 am]
I still need to update everyone on my trip to Oklahoma, but I just don't have the time right now.

I just wanted to share this quote that I adore

Everyone is hated by someone
don't be surprised by a knife in the back.
Everyone is loved by someone
don't be surprised by a kiss in the dark.
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GOOD!...Morning? [Nov. 19th, 2008|02:50 am]
It's 2:30am, Andrea. WTF?!?!?

Anyway, I'm doing really good! It's been a bit since I updated.

School is going great. I'm so happy to have a direction now, getting my Web Master's certificate. I thought that would be the worst thing to get, but my professor who runs his own graphics/web design business and as far as I have seen is really successful, he thinks I would do great, and I know he would help me out after I got my certificate.

After I get my certificate, I will continue going to school. I'd like to get it just to start me off and all, but I'll definitely need more schooling. I am just so damn happy to be back in school. I LOVE it! Even though I have a Math test tomorrow. Bleh.

AND AND AND Thanksgiving is about here! You KNOW I love cooking. We're apparently having 3 Thanksgivings. Two of them will be an actual Thanksgiving dinner with turkey, and one of them won't.

Thursday I'm going home with my sister to have a Thanksgiving with my father's family at her house. My poor sister is uber broke since her husband's overtime hours were cut, so we're just having some enchiladas and stuff. That's fine enough by me, personally.

Next week, Thanksgiving Day, my family will be going to my brother in law's mother's house since his whole family is coming down from LA. Then probably the next day or Saturday, we will have our Thanksgiving here. My sister and I worked out our menu and grocery list, so we'll be getting around to the shopping soon. I hate we waited so long, but whatever. I'm excited to be in the kitchen cooking. I have a couple of new recipes I'm going to try.

I'm just really happy right now. I LOVE the holiday season. Unfortunately I haven't visited my garden for a while. It's in desperate need of some TLC. I feel bad for neglecting it. The next time I have time, I have some things I need to plant and then I need to take a trip to good ol' WalMart and see what they have this Fall.

Speaking of that place, I sooo miss working there at this time of year. It's busy, it's stressful, but work goes by fast, people are more chatty, and I'm surrounded by holiday stuff^_^


I leave you with this song that just makes me happy.

Rasputina - Brand New Key
Care for some Buffy?
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Bleh [Oct. 25th, 2008|10:18 am]
As most of you know by now, my good friend Brittany died.

I've been going through a lot of emotional, MOPEY things lately. This is terrible news.

I don't know how I feel about anything. I hurt, I miss, I want many things.

She had an inoperable brain tumor. I'm sure I talked about it and her before in this journal.

Thank you, Rebecca, for being the first one there to offer comfort. Thank you, Trish and Adam who have been there for me and have talked to me at my absolute worst. And thank you to everyone who has offered me comfort and a friendly ear and shoulder.

I really appreciate it.

I know I've been drawn into myself for a very long time it seems like. I've been chasing dreams in my own personal hell for the past 4 years and haven't been happy with anything.

I hate that that bastard called me mopey, but I have been for quite some time now. This isn't the Andrea I used to know. I lost myself.

Brittany wasn't some acquaintance, she was my actual friend, a close friend. She wasn't someone I knew once.

There's nothing I can do. I hate the helpless feeling.

My grandmother's death taught me to appreciate family and life more. Brittany's death has inspired me to stop wasting my life. She was only 23, just a year older than me.

I'm tired of a life chasing dreams and people who aren't there. I'm tired of constantly battling depression. I'm tired of not having happiness in my life. In fact, I'm infuriated with it, infuriated with myself.

I guess the only way you can honor someone who has passed is to live life to the fullest, etc etc. It sounds like a plan, man.

I'm still in grieving mode right now, though. I don't know how I feel. I feel powerless.

I wish there was more anyone could've done for her. When I last saw her in June, she was in high spirits and had already accepted inevitable death with an open and loving heart. Who else could honestly say they could have that attitude when it really came down to it?
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(no subject) [Oct. 19th, 2008|05:30 pm]
If you are on my friends list, I want to know 36 things about you.
I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other.
Short and sweet is fine... you're on my list, so I want to know you better!

Comment here and repost a blank one on your own journal.

01) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
02) What was your dream growing up?
03) What talent do you wish you had?
04) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
05) Favorite vegetable?
06) What was the last book you read?
07) What zodiac sign are you?
08) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
09) Worst Habit?
10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
11) What is your favorite sport?
12) Do you have a Pessimistic or Optimistic attitude?
13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
16) Do you have any pets?
17) What if I showed up at your house unexpectedly?
18) What was your first impression of me?
19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
22) What color eyes do you have?
23) Ever been arrested?
24) Bottle or can soda?
25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
26) Favorite band to listen to when you're mad?
27) What's your favorite place to hang out at?
28) Do you believe in ghosts?
29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?
30) Do you swear a lot?
31) Biggest pet peeve?
32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
34) Favourite and least favourite food?
35) Do you believe in God?
36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
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(no subject) [Oct. 14th, 2008|03:18 pm]
My LiveJournal Trick-or-Treat Haul
tonegativeone goes trick-or-treating, dressed up as Unicron.
clone1 gives you 17 mottled green strawberry-flavoured gumdrops.
ivyluv gives you 14 milky white blueberry-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
nakedtiamz gives you 17 red strawberry-flavoured pieces of taffy.
pink131980 gives you 6 light blue licorice-flavoured jawbreakers.
princessleia2 gives you 2 blue lime-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
scoparr gives you 16 mauve banana-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
sentroid91 gives you 3 yellow banana-flavoured nuggets.
vixen_in_purple gives you 1 teal evil-flavoured nuggets.
weirdedsel gives you 1 red strawberry-flavoured pieces of taffy.
xnightvixenx gives you 3 blue lime-flavoured pieces of bubblegum.
tonegativeone ends up with 80 pieces of candy.
Go trick-or-treating! Username:
Another fun meme brought to you by rfreebern.
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Here I Am...Again [Oct. 10th, 2008|03:56 pm]
Another year, another broken heart to mend.

So Matt's been doing great apparently, since he dumped me, got a promotion, and found someone else within a month. He most likely cheated on me as well. Karma, right? And yeah, suddenly I want to apologize to his wife. But there's not much I can do to fix that situation anymore. I've got to let this go and put it all behind me. For once in 4 long, aching years...put him behind me.

I don't wish him well or wish him luck.

I don't wish him anything except whatever karma he deserves, and for all the pain he's caused so many people and for all the lies..well..he may be happy now, but he's going to crash and burn something awful, and he'll have no special woman there to help him pick up the pieces. Not me, not his soon to be ex wife, not even his supposed soul mate. He won't have anyone except the thoughts and memories of a man who had it all and didn't know how to be faithful. I don't believe he's capable of real love at all. Just illusions. Years later when his son moves out, he's going to be alone. Alone in that big, beautiful, and empty house.

Oh right, putting this behind me..

I've been trying to heal myself from the massive blow of being discarded and forgotten after he built my hopes up once again after so long. Some people never learn, do they? I'm one of them.

Been busy with college. My English class was becoming overwhelming, so I dropped it, and feel fucking awful about it.

I'm feeling a fraction of a bit better each day, as long as I keep myself occupied.

That link Rebecca posted a bit ago of Mogulus, I've been on there almost 24/7 since she showed it to me, watching horror/sci fi movies/things and talking to people. In fact, I even made a friend! zomg.

I baked cookies last night and cried throughout. The pain seems to come most when I'm not mindlessly keeping my eyes occupied and just sitting there brain dead. Hell, even in the shower I just feel awful. I cannot handle anything that has to do with romance.

I keep saying this and mean it...I've never hated someone before. It's a terrible feeling. It's deep and dark. I should concentrate on it to help me get through this.

I'm only 22 years old. I've experienced a lot of bullshit in the love department that I should never have messed with. Thanks for jading me, asshole. But there's my Karma. Now I'll not be able to appreciate someone who really loves me because I'll believe he's a liar, and the minute I let my guard down, I'll be hurt something bad.

I don't believe in love for myself.

I think I'm going to pirate myself some PC games. I can't stand the overwhelming hurt I feel when I'm not keeping myself occupied. I seriously would not wish this kind of hurt on my worst ene  - oh wait, Matt's my worst enemy and I DEFINITELY WISH THIS ON HIM.

There I go, racking myself up some bad Karma.

I really didn't know I was capable of such hate in my heart.

Damnit, this is what happens when I sit down to write a serious entry.

Sunday, going to a neat pumpkin patch with my sister and nephew.

I hope Alyssa comes over tonight...getting me out of the house will do me some good. No Eternal Darkness, though.

Ah, maybe that Pushing Daisies episode was for me this week - fresh starts, even if they hurt. Don't worry, not about to throw up rainbows here, but what the fuck else can I do? This path I'm on now...it's not where I want to be in life, not now, not ever. I never want to feel worthless like this again, and not good enough. Fuck, I don't want to hate anyone, I don't want to be jaded, I don't want all this emotional baggage. I want to go back to the end of highschool, just before this all began....I would avoid Matt like the plague and be happy. My life would have been so much different, for the better I would assume.

If your love can't keep the man you love, tears and hate aren't about to bring him back, right?

So, there's a recap of my life right now and what's going on in my head. Anger of being dumped, depression, depression, irritated with school, irritated with myself, some more depression, etc etc

I'm going to go shower since I think I drained a good enough amount of my thoughts here so that I can actually enjoy a nice, hot shower, and then I'm going to go start FaeFever FINALLY. Just been sitting there in hardback next to me all pretty and purple.
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(no subject) [Jul. 20th, 2008|09:11 pm]
Yes, I've been keeping to myself for the most part.

Yes, I'm sorry!!

My friends should know by now that I'm the type of person where if I don't talk to you for long periods of time, it does NOT mean my feelings about you have changed or I like you less or anything!! I have to be in a mood to talk, and I know that sounds awful, but it's true. I used to be very good with small talk, but the past couple years have proved otherwise.

I have also been distracted with school and ...other...things...^_^ ( That last topic is locked, though!)

I forgot all about Comic Con this year. I'm surprised John went. I feel bad I honestly have no money or transportation to visit him while he's so close, but unfortunately that's how it goes when you're a poor college student. DRAGONCON 09!!!! I don't know how, but I'll be saving up for it.

School is fine, but I missed almost all of last week due to feeling like shit and lack of sleep.

A's birthday was a few days ago, and I wasn't invited to do anything, but knowing her, she probably just stayed home. I can't blame her, it was her birthday and I have no car OR money...so what was she supposed to do, eh? I'm not mad or anything, just a little sad.

In other news, my 26yo sister is contemplating taking out her 14k or whatever of her retirement, quitting her job, and going to a vocational school where you get your certificate in like 90 days or something. She's absolutely miserable at her job.

The end for now.
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College [Jun. 24th, 2008|02:21 am]
Night 2 of college.

Had a brief 45 minute nap from around 8pm - 08:45pm.

Woke up and Skyped until 12:10am. Got into bed at 12:25.

Fell asleep and woke up around 1:30ish am.

Still awake an hour later.

Sooo, my first day at college.

My good friend, Brittany, stayed the night. In the morning her aunt came to pick her up and she was kind enough to drop me off at the bus stop. The bus ride was nice.

Hike my way up the hill, up the stairs, and zero in on a misfit group, a gay guy with terrible acne and two girls. I ask for help in finding my class, I mention I'm a first time student after being out of highschool for 4 years and the gay guy goes "Oh my gaaaaaawd! Screw that" or something. I ignore it, they gave me directions after all and then scooted away. Assholes.

Hike up a bunch of stairs, find my room and a pretty little Hispanic girl comes along and thankfully she was friendly, so we chatted. Then this older lady in her 50s comes along. There's always someone like her, it seems. Doesn't care about their appearance, no makeup, messy hair, not very pretty even if she wore makeup, dressed in jeans and a shirt and those fucking sandals that make me cringe. You know, the kind that look like they're strapped to your feet so much as if your foot would fall off if you didn't have all those stupid buckles and whatnot? Like this http://www.sz-wholesale.com/uploadFiles/sandals_339.jpg And of course unpainted and not manicured toenails. Appearance is one thing, but then you add the socially awkward, borderline obnoxiously loud, uses cuss words at inappropriate times when everyone is dead silent kind of attitude....you HAVE to know what I'm talking about. At least in SoCal, there's always someone like that. Those people annoy me. So she was there and butted into our conversation.

After a bit the teacher arrives and lets us in. He's Hispanic, but no accent. Kind of a big guy with very neat salt and pepper hair. I would say he's in his 40s, but he has a lot of energy. From what I gathered he is a computer and gaming nerd and divorced and successful.

The Dreamweaver class is small-ish, which is how I like it.

We basically had orientation, that's it, and we introduced ourselves. There were several adults associated with church in some way taking the class to help the church.

35 minute break between two classes. I have the same teacher in the same room for Adobe Photoshop.

Now that class was particularly full. Many college boys wearing mandals were there. Ugh, they ALL had mandals!!!!! EWWW!!!

It was the same exact orientation. The classes are like 2 hours long, so the second one he cut us loose an hour early, which was when the fun happened.


If I stick to my school schedule, my last class ends at 2:50. The next bus going home doesn't get there until 3:30. That's a 40 minute wait. I got out a whole HOUR earlier than 2:50 with no earlier bus schedule times!

I spend $1.50 on the payphone trying to catch my mom or my sister or my brother and NO ONE answers.

I walk down the steps and figure "Fuck it, I'm just going to go around like a beggar and ask to use someone's phone", I of course spot a friendly enough looking couple, someone with their phone already out so they can't lie and say "I don't have one".

The girl was extremely nice and let me use the phone. She said she doesn't pay the bill, so I could use it as much as I needed. My brother finally answered and said my mom wasn't due home for an hour and a half. I figure "Oh fuck, now I have to wait a whole hour and a half for my bus to get here in this fucking heat", but thankfully the girl's boyfriend said they were headed to my town and would give me a ride. This is not the first time I've ridden with strangers. I DID feel more comfortable after talking with them for a half hour. They were waiting for his twin brother to get out of class. We didn't even leave until a bit after 3.

They were extremely nice, I was so thankful and really blessed that they offered me a ride.

I got home and almost minutes after I sit down, my mom comes home:\ She immediately sends me out to WalMart to pick up things for her job and to buy a prepaid cellphone.

I spent a good couple hours, I would say, there. A very handsome boy at the connection center talked to me for a while and helped me pick out a new phone, then since I wasn't dressed like white trash for once, I headed to the fitting room to talk to my old coworkers and that took up a while, too. Then I finished my shopping and came home.

I swear, before I knew it it was 7pm, then 9pm. Mon Dieu! My time just fucking flew.

I AM tired, but I can't sleep. I get up at 7am, and if I go to bed in 10 minutes, I'll get 4 hours of sleep. This is NOT good.

School is fun though! Wish me luck on the bus ride home tomorrow!
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Early Morning Entry [Jan. 22nd, 2008|04:52 am]
[mood |calmcalm]

Sheesh, so much for that. I type the subject then I go boil some water and go to the bathroom. Talk about short attention span.

What to update?

The 18th was a fine day. Besides my 4 yr old nephew, I was the sole witness to see my sister and her man get married at City Hall. After 7+ years of living together, they decided to semi sorta elope. My sister is happier now, and to be honest I didn't think it'd make a difference to her. She keeps repeating "at least we're not living in sin anymore" which kind of irks me, but to each their own.

After that, my sister and I went to visit our family friend who had just had her baby hours before my sister got married. We stayed there for a while, and her daughter is as cute as a button. She had a natural birth, and I learned that pushing the baby out was way better than an orgasm, words straight from the mother's mouth. I thought that was an interesting bit of information.

Later that night was filled with celebrating at Chili's with my family and my sister's husband's family. And I discovered the sweet drink called Slippery Nipple, and I also discovered Blow Job shots....though I had to use my hands to take it ^_^ It was one of the few times I've gotten near drunk in front of my family. But it felt good.

In other news..

Well hell, what else is there? My windowsill herb garden is coming along nicely - the seeds that is, they aren't actual plants yet.

Hmm..I can only bitch so much about my job troubles. Today more calls will be made. I can't wait for the County forever, but I'm contemplating calling them.

I've been sick for 2 days due to being on the rag. The past 2 days have been a blur. I've been in pain, then I felt like I was going to puke every 5 seconds, then I took a couple sleeping pills and they knocked me the fuck out. I still have a fuzzy feeling, but I'm all better now.

I suppose that's it in a nutshell!
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Brief After Christmas Update [Dec. 26th, 2007|02:35 am]
I've been sick the past couple of days, but I managed to cook Christmas dinner completely by myself. The minute I was done, I went to bed and slept for 3 hours. I couldn't bring myself to get up. My food came out really good though, thankfully. My ham kicked ass.

So....Christmas loot. I honestly did not expect to get anything, but I did.

A black leather computer chair
Anniversary Edition of the Labyrinth DVD
A GIR purse is on it's way
Cute slipper socks
Green Zombie Bunny plushie
A book I've been wanting
A purple multi tint set of makeup bags
A purple scarf
$40 gift card to WalMart [I may hate working there, but I love to shop there...also I better find what I did with the damned thing! Bad me]
A Secret Santa present is still on its way for me

Even Pandora made out, she got

A stocking full of a bunch of toys
A doggie bed [leopard print, not my thing, but my Dad bought it for her, so of course I'll shut up and keep it, it's cute despite the leopard print]
A matching leopard print dress [again, not my thing, but I put it on her real quick and made my sister take a picture for my dad to see later]
Some doggie treats ^_^

It was a good day, though I didn't hear from any of my friends on the phone, but that didn't bother me. I've been too sick to care, to be honest.

I hope I'm not sick all the way through New Year's. I also hope I can make some actual NYE plans for once.

Meh, maybe another update later.
The kids made out really good, so did my sister and her man. My mom has a perfume on the way, and she liked my assorted coffee thing I got her and the big bottle of beer bread mix.
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